Fight like a girl.

 I’m doing really well. I went down hard after round four but I’ve bounced back. I’ve eaten some real dinners, still trying away from the “roughage” type food. I’ve bought grapes and strawberries lately. They look and smell so good but I don’t want to chance eating them. We had a caesar salad for dinner one night and I wanted it so bad. I chanced it and took a couple of bites. And I paid for it. My stomach was rolling a little bit later. Was it that? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe. Maybe not.  I’ve been taking some digestive enzymes almost every time I eat. They seem to have helped.  I made it to high fit today. It was a tough one but I made it through. I even did some higher impact moves. Welllll do you count jumping jacks as high impact? 😂 probably not. But I did a couple jumping jacks here and there and when everyone was doing tuck jumps I just did a jump in the air. That’s the most I’ve done since December. Annnd I’ve been a little bit exhausted all day. 😳  I’m in a much better...

 I'm doing better.   I have no clue what goes on in my house for a week. Have I said this before? I don't leave my room. I have no idea what my kids do when they get home from school. I don't know if they're getting their homework done. I don't know what food is in the fridge and pantry. I feel like I miss out for a week. The world continues and I have no idea what goes on in it. 

Yep. That's me. With an IV NOT in my port. I was unable to stay hydrated this round.  So I got my chemo on Friday, I went back for my shot Saturday morning and got a liter of fluids. Then I had a friend come over on Sunday and give me 2 more liters of fluids. Then on Monday I had to go to the clinic for an echo to check on my heart and I stopped at the clinic and got another liter of fluids. So from Friday when I got my chemo until Monday, two days later, I had received FOUR liters of fluids. I didn't have much of an appetite at all last week including fluids, so on Friday, a week later, I had a friend stop by again and start another IV. I hadn't peed all day. I had been sick the day before. That's when I was throwing up water. 🙄 So I got another two liters on Friday, kept my IV in and hung two more liters for myself on Saturday. I finally peed on Friday night and my urine was quite concentrated. Hence the reason for leaving in the IV and doing two more liters the next...

 Yesterday was really rough. I was not in a good place at all. I was having major anxiety at bedtime. My legs were restless and my stomach was so uneasy. I ended up throwing up some more water at bedtime and that wore my body out enough that I was able to sleep.  I slept until 11:00 today before I had to get up to the bathroom. I’ve been in bed ever since. I decided I didn’t want any more meds today because the nausea meds weren’t helping anyway.  I’ve just been laying in bed but I’ve been so much better. I was able to do a little work on my computer. I was able to eat some cottage cheese and scrambled eggs…..that sounds weird. I didn’t necessarily eat them together but I had them cuz I figured those would be easy on my stomach. It took me about an hour to eat it. I was trying to go slow and not freak my stomach out.  I miss food so much. I want chips, I want Mexican food. I want some greasy, cheesy beans and some fried enchilada or taquitos or the other night I drea...

 People tell me things like- you’re a rockstar. You’re amazing.  But I don’t feel any of those things. I feel like a big baby. I can’t do this. I hate feeling this crappy. I said to my mom yesterday- “today is going to be a good day. I’m going to eat. I’m going to go for a walk later. And each day is going to get better.” Well come dinner time I overate and I paid for it all night long. My food didn’t feel like it digested despite the digestive enzymes I took. I couldn’t take my night meds. I tossed and turned all night. I woke up today and was good for about an hour before the stomach issues came and then the nausea has just come and gone all day.  I threw up water. Water! Two sips of water and I was throwing up. I think the problem is that my tongue and my throat are doing the dumb fuzzy thing. I’ve felt like my throat has been shedding all day and there’s a lump in the back of my throat and it’s making me so nauseous.  I’m really really hoping that this round ends...

 Not a good day. Typically I go get my shot, get some fluids and then go to the rec center for a high fit class. I was so tired on the way home I just got home and went straight to bed. Didn’t really leave my bed all day. I felt so nauseous. Like your stomach is rolling and there’s nothing to make it go away. I took my nausea meds but they didn’t help. Oh I feel so sick. I don’t like this. I’m not supposed to be so sick on a Saturday. This isn’t supposed to happen until Monday. I hate this. 

I’m doing okay tonight. I’m pretty tired and feel a little out of it from medications I took for the numbness in my hands and feet.  I was kind of an emotional mess yesterday and this morning. I was crying again and dreading going to my appointment. I did not want to go. I cried to my oncologist and he gave me a hug. 😆 I really like him. He’s a good guy. He spent like an hour talking to us. He’s so good.  I know I’m going to sound like a baby but thinking about -having a stuffy nose every morning - blowing my nose and having chunks of skin and blood come out -my tongue turns numb and I can’t eat anything -I’m so hungry and I can’t eat -I can’t get out of bed without feeling so sick -I don’t know if what I eat is going to trigger the stomach cramps and diarrhea  -my legs and muscles get so weak from laying in bed and I have trouble walking down the stairs -my tongue - not being able to eat  😂 I know I already said those but it really bugs me. I hate when my tongue g...

 Sigh. Headed into round four not as recovered as the first three rounds. I still try to go to the gym and do things but I get so worn out. Yesterday my back was hurting so bad. I don’t know if I slept funky or did something to it at high fit but I was hurting yesterday. Today my back is better but I’m so tired. I guess this is what my doctor meant by each round will get a little harder. Just the recovery I guess? It’s really kind of pathetic. I start the morning doing pretty well but then I just shut down by afternoon.  And I’m starting to get more anxiety about Friday. I’ve started waking up about 4 am and I am wide awake. I occasionally take some ambien to help me sleep and usually it knocks me out but it doesn’t help right now. It has happened before with the previous rounds. This week before I get more chemo I don’t sleep so well. I’m wide awake for about an hour and I just lay there. Eventually I fall back asleep for another hour or two before it’s time for school. And r...

 I was on the phone today with one of my sisters and brother in law. I was sitting down, separating laundry and I was sniffling like crazy. My brother in law said, “It sounds like you’ve got a cold.” I just brushed it off like oh ya it’s another side effect of the chemo. 🙄 I just have a runny nose and sometimes it just drops right out without warning. I have to carry tissues around with me. I’ll lean forward and have to hurry and put my head back up cuz that water is just running right out. My sister mentioned, “oh ya it’s probably because you have no hair to catch it.” 💡oh ya duh! That’s totally what it is. We were laughing because I really have no control and it’s quite embarrassing sometimes to just have it drip right out before I can catch it.  So funny side effects- your nose runs like crazy cuz you have no hair to stop it. I’m sure there’s more to it than that but that’s what I’m going with for now.  Right after chemo the skin inside my nose flakes off and I blow ...

 You know what club you don’t want to be apart of? The cancer club. You know how many people are part of this club? Too many!!  I went to the rec center yesterday and as I was leaving a lady stopped me and asked if I was in the middle of treatment. Hold on, I better back up a second. On Thursday I showed up to my high fit class and two of my friends were in the front row next to each other. I looked at their backs and I was like, "Hey they both have a shirt that says no one fights alone." And then I saw this pink shirt on a couple other of my friends. I realized they were all shirts for me. ❤️  The next morning I was scrolling through Instagram and all of a sudden I was like, "Hey that’s me and my friends." I have met a few of these girls through classes at the rec center over the past few years and strengthened my friendships with previous friends. I’m so grateful for their love and support that they’ve shown me.     Fast forward to Saturday where this lad...