Fight like a girl.

 I had a pretty good day yesterday. I went to church but then came home and slept the day away. I couldn’t sleep last night. My esophagus was on fire! It hurt so bad. Heartburn? Or just my GI tract getting messed up from the chemo? Who knows.  And now I just feel crappy. I really hate this. 

 This round is going so differently than last time. I am feeling good. I went and got my shot of Udenyca (stimulates my bone marrow to make more white blood cells) this morning and a liter of fluids. Then I went to high fitness. WHAAAAAAAT?!?!?! I definitely didn't have the energy I had on Thursday but I was able to still move a little. I'm upright. I'm not in bed hurting. I've taken my morning medications. I'm going to go to my boy's basketball game in a little bit then I'm going to come home and take a nap. My hands are a little tingly but I've taken some medication to try and help that. Oh I hope this round is better. 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

Round two of chemo looks a little bit different this time. A little less glamorous. I wore one of those lovely sleep caps which actually is very soft and comfy. If anyone needs one for friends and family it's called hats with heart. It's a company here in Utah. I plan to get more from them.   I met with the oncologist before the chemo. We went over what went well and what can be improved on. I asked him if I REALLY had to do all six rounds. He felt Pam and she's getting smaller and smaller. I don't even know if he could feel her. 😏 His response was "If you have strep throat, you start your antibiotic, and then 2-3 days later you start feeling better. Do you stop taking your antibiotic just because you feel good? Or do you continue to take it for the 10 days?" My coworker had said the same thing to me, "Lindsey that's like not taking your full course of antibiotics." DANG IT!!!! You put it in that context and I can relate. The answer is no, in ca...

 Can we just throw a shout out to Ryan for a minute? I mean, if you know him you know he's pretty great. Did you know I liked him from our first date? He took me on a lunch date. It was a thing his friends did for a first date. Another story for another time. Anyway, after he dropped me off I was like, "I like him." He wasn't like other guys I had dated recently. He was different and I could tell. I loved him from the first date. And I always tease him that I tricked him into marrying me, cuz let's be honest I can be a little crazy. 😆😆 Tuesday night when I had my meltdown in the shower he was right there to support me. I got out of the shower and was brushing my hair. He took the brush from me and started to brush my hair for me. I was apparently being too rough so he was trying to gently brush so not so much hair would come out.  We got into bed and I was still crying a little. I can't remember exactly what he said but something along the lines of "We ...

 But I’m starting with the ugly and making my way to the good.  I’ve been losing my hair all weekend and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Well I found out last night how I feel about it. I’m sad. I’m really, really sad.  Last night I went to do baptisms at the temple. My hair obviously got wet cuz I went under the water. I was debating about washing my hair. I didn’t know what to do with it. I decided to wash it. I would run my hands through my hair and it just kept coming out. It wouldn’t stop. I could envision how I was going to look when I got out of the shower. I just sat down in the shower and cried. Okay I bawled. Big ugly tears. That may seem silly or not I don’t know. I was just thinking I was going to step out of the shower and have a huge bald head. There were short hairs coming out so I knew my bangs were coming out too. And it wasn’t just falling out it was burning. My head was hurting so bad, just to touch my head. I couldn't scrub the shampoo into my hair ...

 The nurse said you’ll probably lose your hair around 2-3 weeks after treatment. She was right. To the day. Friday was two weeks. I was sitting there working on my computer and a small handful of hair came out as I ran my hands through my hair. And now it happens every. Single. Time. I put my hair in a small pathetic ponytail today for church. If I didn’t I would’ve had hair falling around me all day. I touch my hair and the clumps come out. It’s surprising to me that I don’t have bald patches all over. Maybe it will thin out, get a little gross and then I’ll have to just get rid of it. I’ve never had a pixie cut before but I’ve always wondered how I’d look. I may just pixie cut it and then shave it off as the bald spots appear.  Besides losing my hair, I’m doing good. I was able to go to my high fit class on Thursday and Saturday. Now now don’t get all excited. I only lasted about 20-30 minutes and I was the 95 year old lady in the back corner by herself marching in place. Th...

 I am a different person. I can't believe I was in bed for a week straight. That was horrible. I don't even know what I did honestly. I must've slept a bunch. But I'm way better now. I'm not 100%. My stomach is "jacked" as my sister would say. 😉 It's just a little tender, bloated, uneasy, depends on the day and time. But I'm really so much better.  I showered and cut my own hair yesterday!!! I figured, if it's going to all fall out in a little bit anyway who cares if I mess it up. It needed a fresh trim. I cut a good two inches off. I'm pretty proud of how it turned out.  (I don't take selfies or in the mirror selfies) Speaking of my hair, I don't think I mentioned this before. Have I already told you that my head feels like it's on fire? Like if I touch my head it hurts. It's like my hair follicles are burned. Yesterday when I was brushing my hair it felt like my head was sunburned. You know the feeling all my fair skinned...