Radiation oncology

 Alright another appointment down. I kind of wanted to cry sitting there. It just feels overwhelming again. 

Yes my cancer is all gone. But that doesn't mean I'm done. I got the call saying the tissue is all clean, there's nothing in the breast or lymph nodes but I still have to go through this treatment for the next six months. It's really going to be like a year before I'm going to be completely done. 

I'll start with the morning appointment. I saw the plastic surgeon NP and she saw the bruising on my left breast. She said she wouldn't do any expanding on that side to let it heal. She said that would be fine because we have to over expand the right side at some point anyway to account for the shrinking that will occur with radiation, so now is as good a time as any. So I'm totally lopsided right now. That's fun. SHe also took my other drain out. YAY! No more drains for me. 

Then we headed to the radiation oncologist. He was sitting there talking about how great this Herceptin drug is and how much of a game changer it has been in the treatment of Her2 positive cancers. He said that back when he was in North Carolina he worked in a breast clinic and it broke his heart to see all these young moms get the Her2 positive form of breast cancer and die. It's just an aggressive cancer. That was all pre Herceptin though. The way he was talking I was thinking he would tell me I didn't have to do radiation but no. I was also hoping he would do the minimum amount, maybe 15 treatments. But no, he signed me up for 25 treatments!!!! Five weeks of radiation. I wanted to cry right there. I still want to cry thinking about it. I calculated it and that means I will get done with radiation after the first week of school starts. I'm so sad. 

Then we talked about the side effects. He patted Ryan's leg and said he was happy to see him here with me to support me because he's going to have to take over while I'm doing radiation. He said that the first two weeks I may not have any side effects. He said they'll have a delayed response and will hit me about the third week. He said that I'll have fatigue. He said that after dinner I may just have to check out. He told Ryan that a lot will be put on him- dishes, bedtime, baths, etc. I asked him about taking an afternoon nap and he said that may help and make it so I can stay up a little longer in the evening but I'm going to be tired. He said that my energy level will improve significantly once I finish radiation but I can't remember how long he said it would take. I asked about exercising and he said my endurance wouldn't be where it normally is. 

He said there would be inflammation in my chest wall and it wouldn't get better for a while after radiation finishes. 

Also, I can't go in the sun, swimming, anything like that. My skin will feel and look like a sunburn. It will first get a little pink, then darker pink, then red, then dark red, and then maybe some blistering and peeling. They talked about putting various creams and aloe vera on the sunburn. Ryan said on the way home that he remembers one lady he treated for breast cancer that had open sores on her chest and one day they couldn't treat her because they were so bad. Enter eye roll here. 

Yes I know the cancer is gone but that doesn't mean I'm done and I wish it did. I am blessed that I don't have hormonal treatment for the next five-ten years. I'm blessed that there was no cancer left after chemo. I'm blessed that Ryan has been there by my side through all of this. He has become my nurse- emptying drains, changing dressings, inspecting wounds, making me take medicine when I need it and am too stubborn to take it myself. ;-) 

I just want to get back to myself. I think that I can do normal things but I can't. My arms don't move like they should. I can't lift anything for another couple of weeks and even then I'll have to gradually work in to lifting weights and such, I'd imagine. I just want to do normal things and I can't yet. It's frustrating. I want to go in my room and sleep and cry and crawl into a hole. It's just where I am right now.