Another day, another doctor's appointment

I'm sitting at the oncology office right now. I'm getting another Herceptin infusion. It's that time again and now I'm back on a three week schedule. I got time off with my surgery. Woohoo. But sitting back in this room gives me some PTSD. I was sitting here listening to a nurse go over all the side effects of the chemo drugs, what medications to take to fix those side effects and what happens to your various blood counts. It was actually the same nurse that went over everything with me that first day. Oh that was so horrible. I feel so bad for this lady and I am so grateful to be where I am today. I remember when she handed me the paper and went through each bullet point and I just silently cried. I know she stopped and was like, "Are you okay?" No I'm not okay!!! I'm starting chemo! Would you be okay?!?!?! 

Ya I didn't say any of that. I wiped my tears, put some big girl pants on and told her to keep going. That was really so horrible. And to know you have to keep coming and doing it every three weeks. And people say, "Oh you get in a routine." But no, I don't feel like I had the same reaction every time. I mean I did have the same things happen but each round was a little different. I thought by round six I would have it down for what meds to take when but I'm not sure I did. Anyway, that horrible mountain is over. 

I went to the plastic surgeon yesterday, well we saw his NP. It was the same one that we saw initially who talked to us about the whole process. I like her. Her name is Lindsey and she's just a smart, straight shooter. She tells you like it is and seems to be very knowledgeable. She was able to fill the expanders with some more fluid. I couldn't see or feel what was going on. I asked Ryan if my boob just got bigger, if it just grew right in front of his eyes. He said yes. I was like, "Aww I want to see it," and Lindsey said we could take a video of it. So Ryan filmed the other one filling up. She said, "I'm sorry, you're just going to be tight for the next few weeks." They keep telling me, "We have to get you expanded quickly so you can get radiation." So she put 100 cc's in each side. It was a little tight yesterday but not horrible. I've been pleasantly surprised with the amount of discomfort I've had during this whole mastectomy/surgery process. 

For some reason my right drain output jumped up on Wednesday night so I didn't get my right drain out yesterday. But I did get the left one out. And I was super worried that it was going to hurt so bad. She kept saying, "It's not going to be bad. I promise." I was like, "No you're lying to me. I know, you're going to tell me to take a deep breath and you're going to pull it out and it's going to hurt." She kind of laughed and said, "Yes you're right. Take a deep breath." And then she pulled it out and guess what??? I didn't feel it at all. When she walked away I was like, wait that's it. She showed me how much tubing was inside. I asked Ryan later, "What do you think- was that like a foot of tubing inside?" He said, "At least, maybe even 18 inches." I mean come on that's a lot of crap inside me. 

I had a rough night on Wednesday. I got home from Eden and I went to sleep around 1 AM but then I was awake at 2 and 3. At 3 I finally got up to the bathroom and then I couldn't go back to sleep. My left side was hurting really bad. It was kind of in my rib cage but under my arm. I moved from my bed to the recliner in my room, then I moved from there downstairs to the couch recliner. I was awake until maybe 5 am. I took some Tylenol but my side was just hurting. I was feeling super anxious because I was thinking, Oh my gosh what if this pain is the start of an infection? So I think that messed up my sleep. I finally was able to fall asleep and then I was out until Ryan woke me up just before 10:00 to get ready for the plastic surgeon appointment. I woke up just kind of discouraged. I wasn't in the best mood before the appointment but she said everything looks good, I was able to get one drain out and I wasn't in severe discomfort. So I was able to snap out of my bad mood by late afternoon. 

I took a whole ambien last night and slept through the night. Hallelujah.