Sunday

 I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

 That is what I was crying at bedtime last night. I had a mediocre day. I did pretty good for most of the day. Then I did something stupid and decided I could handle something more than toast. Nope I was wrong. I had a quesadilla. Why would I think that was a good idea??? Well I was hungry. I get so hungry and I just want to eat and I can't!!!! It took about an hour or two for the quesadilla to come back up. I could tell it was just sitting in my stomach. Ugh I hate that feeling. And don't worry my stomach was cramping up and causing issues the other way as well. 😭😭😭😭 Make it stop!!! 

But today... I've had a good day. I have been lying in bed all morning. I watched church from home. I had some toast. I had a sweet potato. I'm having a protein smoothie my friend made. I usually do pretty good during the day and then the evening hits. It's like sundowners with old people. My anxiety kicks into high gear. I don't get the sunlight from my bedroom windows. I worry that I'm not going to sleep. I'm going to have heart burn. I'm going to have stomach pain. I'm going to have diarrhea. My food isn't going to digest. It's going to sit there all night. All these things stress me out. 

Alright enough whining. 

I'm having a new symptom that I want to write about. The back of my hands/knuckles have been...itchy? But not itchy. They were kind of burning when I would put my hands in the bath last night. It's like they're sunburned but they aren't. Maybe it's another form of the chemo rash? When I got out of the bath last night we put aloe vera on them to see if that would help. It's like those athlete's foot commercials. You know what I'm talking about? The ones where it shows the irritation and redness between their toes? It's kind of like that but on my hands. OKAY that might be a little dramatic. It's not as bad as athlete's foot, it's just some irritation that I don't know how to relieve. 


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