The beginning

Well I've decided I need to make a blog, some sort of place that everyone can go to get information. Everyone has been so wonderful to reach out and I can't keep up with all the sweet messages. I'm detailed in my story telling and I can overshare so here it goes. I'm starting at the beginning. Last November 2020 I went in for my yearly physical with Dr. Thorpe, my OB. I had a small lump on my right breast right above the nipple. It was uncomfortable and Dr. Thorpe said it was probably a cyst. It was about the size of a pencil eraser. He sent me for a diagnostic ultrasound and mammogram just to check. I had that done the end of January 2021. There was nothing seen on the images. They said maybe just some dense tissue. 

Fast forward to October 2021. There was a lump in my right breast that just kind of showed up maybe in June or July. I don't remember when it started growing, I just remember it was all of a sudden there. It bothered me sometimes and I thought it was a cyst growing. So I talked to a couple OBs at the hospital and it was decided to just go get the cyst drained. I was scheduled for Thursday November 18th. The night before, the imaging clinic called questioning how I was getting a cyst drained when there was no record of a cyst being there. Thankfully I still went in because I told her there was a big lump and we are investigating that. I went in Thursday morning for an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech performed the ultrasound and then said, "Okay I'm going to go show these images to the radiologist and I'll be right back." I waited there anxiously. As I laid there in a dimmed room, I was thinking about my grandma Lucy Beth. I imagined her standing at the bedside holding my hand letting me know it was going to be okay. The ultrasound tech comes back in and says, "The radiologist would like to take a biopsy of this spot." "So it isn't a cyst?" "No it's not a cyst." The radiologist comes back in and does the biopsy. He took three pieces of this "suspicious mass." That's what the report would say. 

 Monday night November 22nd I received an email saying there was an update to my medical record. I pulled it up and there in fron of my face was my breast cancer diagnosis. Little did I know that's what it was. I said to Ryan, "This says I have invasive ductal carcinoma." He had been doing the dishes and he turned around and said, "What? What did you say?" I read it again and he walked over to me and said, "That's cancer." I was in denial. I called Dr. Thorpe right then and told him what it said. He also confirmed it was breast cancer. I ended up sending him a screenshot of the results. He called me a few more times that night. He assured me that we were going to get this taken care of. He was going to call Dr. Tittensor, a breast cancer surgeon, in the morning and get me in to see her. 

The next day, Tuesday, I went to the gym in the morning as usual and had a missed call from Dr. Thorpe. He told me he had a call in to Dr. Tittensor's office and to her cell phone. He told me she is one of the best in the country. He spoke very highly of her. The office called me and scheduled me for an appointment for December 16th!!! Three weeks away! How was I going to wait that long to figure out what was going on?!?! I text Dr. Thorpe. Once he got ahold of Dr. Tittensor, I received another phone call from the office later that day. It was Dr. Tittensor's nurse, Amanda. She was able to schedule me for the next week Tuesday November 30th. 6 days! Not 3 weeks! It was such a blessing. Amanda, the nurse, called me on wednesday as well and said she scheduled a breast MRI for me in another week or so. Ryan was on the computer almost constantly researching all the different possibilities. I cried every day. I was so scared. 

Sunday November 28th: we had a special family fast. It was such a nice day. Ryan and I felt so much peace. I was so calm and peaceful. I had no anxiety. It was definitely a miracle. 

Monday November 29th: I called Revere Health Imaging to see if I could move my breast MRI up before I saw Dr. Tittensor so she could have more results when I saw her to make a plan. They told me they didn't have a cancellation list and I'd just have to call back every day to see if there was a cancellation. My sweet friend and neighbor, Amanda, used to work at Revere Imaging. I told her what was said and she went out of her way to call her administrator and change that. She text me and said I had an appointment that day at 2:30. BLESSING!!! Her husband came home for lunch and watched the kids while she took me up to the appointment. I was originally going to take some valium for the MRI but once I realized I would be going in feet first and I would be on my stomach I figured I could breathe through it and stay calm. I get really claustrophobic. But I did great. When I first layed down I was very dizzy but it soon passed and I was able to just sit and breathe. I could feel grandma Lucy Beth with me again and my uncle Spencer as well. It was very comforting to me. 

Tuesday November 30th: This was an anxiously awaited day. I was scheduled at 4:30 to see Dr. Tittensor. I was a little anxious all day, but so hopeful for more answers and a plan. We spent a few hours at her office. She went over everything in detail regarding my diagnosis and the treatment plan. She explained that invasive ductal carcinoma means it started in the milk ducts and it has gone into the breast tissue now. The tumor is given a grade- one through three. The grade tells how busy the cells are. Mine is grade three which means the cells are busy and growing. We knew this because the tumor showed up so fast. There was another term they used- Ki67% the lower the number the slower the growth. Mine was 40% so not too bad. My tumor is not being fed by hormones so there is no estrogen or progesterone involvement. That's a really good thing. I don't have to go into early menopause. They would have to give me anti-estrogen, anti-progesterone medications for the next 5-10 years. So that's really really good. BLESSING!!! My tumor is Her2 positive. Her2 is the protein that's feeding my tumor. With this diagnosis I would need to do chemotherapy. There are specific medications that make the Her2 protein sensitive to chemotherapy. Based on that information and the size of the tumor the cancer is stage two and considered curable. Dr. Tittensor said that I would need to start with chemotherapy before surgery. I was told that with the chemotherapy I should be able to feel the tumor shrinking almost immediately. Dr. Tittensor said that sometimes when they get in there for surgery there's not even a tumor there, just some of the calcifications. They still go in and remove those. I have the option of a lumpectomy with radiation, a single or double mastectomy. Decisions to be made down the road. The plan was to 

1) see a medical oncologist 

2) get a PET ct (radioactive sugar is injected into your body. They send you through the ct machine and things that are using up a lot of glucose, like cancer cells, light up. It's a way to see if the cancer has spread) 

3) baseline echocardiogram (one of the medications I'll be taking has the potential to cause heart failure so we needed to see where my heart was before we start anything) 

4) genetic testing (helps to know if I'm a carrier for other cancers, my kids can get tested, helps with deciding what kind of surgery to do, etc) 

5) Left ultrasound and mammogram (something was seen on my breast MRI in the left side. They want to rule it out.) We left that appointment with mixed feelings. Ryan was feeling very optimistic with the treatment plan. I, on the other hand, was upset with all that is to come. 

Wednesday December 1st: Got another phone call from sweet Amanda RN. She said that my "case" was reviewed at the tumor board and there were a few other things that the doctors had decided. This tumor board is made up of radiologists, radiation oncologists, medical oncologists, surgeons.....I don't remember who else. They reviewed my breast MRI and saw something in my liver. So a liver MRI was added to the plan. 

Tuesday December 7th: Had a PET ct at Revere Health again. I was really anxious. I really didn't want my liver to light up. I really really really didn't want to have a liver biospy. The tech, again, was a friend of my friend, Amanda, and I chatted with him about the connection. I said, "I know you can't tell me the results but can you just tell me?" ;-) He let me look at the images afterward. It was actually pretty cool. I could see the tumor in my breast. My liver didn't light up but I didn't really know what I was looking at. 

Thursday December 9th: Had my baseline echo. Came back normal. Thankfully no surprise there. 

Friday December 10th: We had our appointment with our medical oncologist. He spent a long time with us, explaining everything and answering our questions. The plan is to start chemotherapy the first week of January. I'm going to have 6 treatments. They will be every three weeks. He said that days 4-10 will be the worst. I'll start feeling better just to get ready for another round. He said he doesn't want me to stop being me. If I feel well enough to go to the gym, I can. If I want to go skiing, I can. If I want to go to church, I can. He said that it will be like a boxing match- each round will get a little harder. I left that appointment feeling optimistic. I was feeling pretty good and happy for the first time since diagnosis. 

Monday December 13th: Went in for the ultrasound and mammogram of the left breast. The tech didn't see anything on ultrasound. She went out to get the radiologist. He ended up coming in and scanning me himself. He didn't say much. I asked him which test was most conclusive: MRI showed a little something, PET ct showed nothing and now this isn't showing much. He said that the MRI is usually most accurate but in this case the lesion was 5 mm and that size is about the size that the MRI isn't as accurate so they're going to look at all three exams to check it out. I also had the liver MRI. I asked the tech if it was inconclusive and he wouldn't say anything. He was just like- "I don't read these. There are a few different things the radiologist looks at and I don't know what they are." Psssh whatever. I know he can see things. But that's okay. We will patiently wait until those results come back. 

Tuesday December 14th: Had the biopsy this morning for the lymph node. It didn't look suspicious but the radiologist said it could go either way. Those results won't be back for a few more days. 

Wednesday December 15th: Just got the results back from my liver MRI. "Mildly lobulated 3 cm mass in the medial right hepatic lobe is not metastasis. Given imaging features, an atypical hemangioma is the favored diagnosis." It's not in my LIVER!!!! It didn't metastasize. First good news in a while. 

Thursday December 16th: Dr. Tittensor's nurse called me this morning. We have more results, more info. She confirmed that the liver tumor is benign. She also said the lymph node biopsy has come back and it was cancer. So the thing that changes now is that I'll have to do radiation. It's only in one lymph node so I'm praying it stays there and doesn't spread. Also the left breast ultrasound and mammogram was inconclusive so they want to do a MRI guided biopsy of the left breast. Amanda (RN) said there are only two radiologists that do this so it's kind of a hard test to get scheduled. The date Amanda had scheduled didn't work out so the office called me to schedule me for January 3rd. But later that day, one of the main MRI techs called me back and said they could get me in on Monday December 20th. He explained the whole procedure to me and said it would be about an hour and a half. 

Monday December 20th: Headed in for my MRI guided breast biopsy. I really didn't want to go. I didn't think there was going to be anything in this biopsy. I know they were just suggesting this because of the cancer in the other side. Insert eye roll. This test seemed so much more complicated than just the regular biopsies with ultrasound. With the MRI biopsy, you're on your stomach with your boob in a hole. They squish it to keep it from moving. You go in the machine for them to locate the mass, come back out. They numb you and place a huge needle. Send you back in the machine to see if it's in the right place. Take you back out. It was in the right place for me so then they start taking samples. It sounded like a drill. There was this whirring sound and air blowing. Then they sent me back in the machine to check more stuff, brought me out again and placed a marker, a clip. So in the future when this "lesion" shows up they'll see the clip and know that this spot was already investigated. Well they got some great samples, said the doctor. They sent me to a "recovery" room to hold pressure on the biopsy site. It was bleeding pretty good. I was sitting there not very long and I looked down at my hand holding the gauze and it was covered in blood. I grabbed the tech and was like, "Uh I think I need some new gauze." He was like oh yes you do. So I went in the recovery room about 2:00. Little did I know I would then bleed for the next two and half hours. The doctor came in to check on me A LOT. He put pressure on the biopsy site. It hurt so bad. Just imagine someone putting all their weight on your boob after you've just had it cut in to. It felt like he was squishing my nipple into my ribs. His comment, "Sorry for breaking your ribs, I just need to get this to stop bleeding." After about an hour of pressure from the doctor, off and on, he started cleaning me up to go home. All of sudden I said, "It's filling with blood." I felt my boob getting so tight. He and the nurse looked down and he was like, "Oh my gosh, it is." I looked down and there was blood coming out of my nipple, not the biopsy site. So he starts squishing this huge hematoma that had formed in about two seconds. He told the nurse to grab the ultrasound and bring it in ASAP. He said sometimes there's pseudo aneurysm (I don't know) that can burst. Essentially there was an artery that was bleeding and he had to find it and put pressure on it to get it to stop. So here comes some more pushing and prodding and pressure. He was looking with the ultrasound probe and essentially clotting the artery off with the probe. Let me tell you how good that felt. Ugh I want to throw up thinking about it right now. PS did I mention Ryan was out of town? So that's fun too. Ugh the doctor just kept pushing and squeezing and it wouldn't stop. He was doing the ultrasound for about 20-30 minutes. After he felts like the artery had stopped bleeding he placed a sandbag on my chest. He said he wanted pressure for the next 30 minutes. Let me tell you that sandbag weighed ten pounds. Just ten pounds of straight pain sitting on my left side for 30 minutes. Oh it hurt so bad. After 30 minutes, I was supposed to get up and walk around to make sure it didn't start bleeding again. Of course the nurse sat me at the side of the bed and asked how I was feeling. I told her I was pretty shaky but I think it was from the pain. Her comment was, "You also lost a lot of blood." Cool. It didn't start bleeding again so that was good. So the radiologist came in, did another ultrasound to make sure everything looked good and was ready to send me on my way. He did want a pressure dressing and an ace bandage wrapped around my chest though to keep constant pressure. He kept saying, "I don't know why this happened. The biopsy went so smoothly. It was actually one of the quickest, smoothest biopsies I've done." He left so the nurse could clean me up. Her comment was, "Let me clean you up so it doesn't look like a crime scene on your chest." Awesome. The doctor came back in to place the ace bandage himself. He wanted it tight but not so I couldn't breathe. Well, it was pretty tight. I had to leave it on for four hours. He said, "If you take this bandage off, and it starts bleeding you'll have to go to the ER unfortunately. But that's why I kept you here all day to try to avoid that from happening." So I got home feeling like a train hit me. Thankfully, a sweet neighbor had already planned to bring dinner for which I was so incredibly grateful. I wasn't supposed to really do anything with my left arm for at least 24 hours. He really didn't want me to do anything but lay around. I woke up this morning, Tuesday, feeling horrible. Since Ryan was gone, I had to have my sweet neighbor put my sports bra on for me. I couldn't use my arm to stretch it over my head. I felt shaky and weak and tired. There are so many things I want to get done around the house before Christmas but all I could do was lay on the couch and look at the mess around me. I was able to take a nap this afternoon and woke up like a new person. I'm hoping and thinking tomorrow will be a much better day. Fingers crossed. 

 If you held on this long, thank you. Kind of boring and medical but here's the beginning of my journey. Ready or not, here it comes.